Love Immigrants - Be with the one you love

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Did you move to another country to be with the one you love?

Do you want to?

Prepare yourself...
it's a bigger roller coaster than the Tunnel of Love!

This website isn't to tell you its right or wrong - that's for you to decide. It's merely meant to get you thinking about all aspects of the potential move, relationship and pros and cons so you are as prepared as you can be to make it work. I point out things that may be normal to you and not to others - things that may have come as a surprise to me but not as a judgment to whether these are right or wrong. Again, just to get you thinking so you can be prepared as best as possible for you.

I also partner with love immigrants around the globe who want to ensure they have all the answers and develop a relationship that is based on trust, mutual support and provides a future for them both regardless of which country they live in. Why do this alone? - so many of my clients have benefited - so can you! More info on support here

"They are the One" Assessment

Ok, so you figured out they are the one for you...

you know:

all about them and their families
their past relationships
whether they have kids
whether they want kids
if they are willing to relocate to your country if it doesn't work out in theirs
how their family feels about you, foreigners, your homeland
if they have friends, if their friends support this relationship
they have taken the time to ask you the same questions as above

you know:

the legalities of their country
all the legal papers and requirements they will want from you (apostilled documents)
what rules are imposed on you as a love immigrant vs. a tourist or natural immigrant
(for example in Holland we are sponsored in by our Dutch partners as one option but
you sign away certain immigrant rights for that benefit -
the Dutch partner needs to be able to financially support you completely)
if you will be allowed to work in their country
if you feel comfortable with their medical care and system
what their retirement approach is, can you retire there as well
what insurances you will be required to have to enter the country, to stay in the country
what you will do if it doesn't work out or you need to leave the country quickly

you know:

the weather in the region (hurricanes, flooding, tornados)
the political climate (unstable government, violent groups, political views)
the economy of the country - your future standard of living
the infrastructure, transportation - how you will get around - can you drive there

you know:

if you can get clothes there for your body size, shape, height
you can find shoes for your size, width, comfort
what prescriptions you may need to stock up on or get changed
what your special needs are and if they will be supported their (handicaps, mental health)

you know:

their customs regarding holidays, celebrations
their religious views, practices, rituals - how they view yours
their approach to animals, treatment of, use of, what are pets and what are food
their approach to food preparation, handling (open markets with unrefrigerated meats out all day)
the types of food they serve (ex. Holland uses horse meat for sandwiches & frozen food products)
the availability of special food products, vegetarian products

you know:

how your partner likes to be touched
what things they are afraid of
when they sleep, which side of the bed, do they snore
their personal hygiene habits, how often they bathe, use deodorant, brush their teeth
are they affectionate, do they hug, how do they kiss, how do they greet others
if you have issues around these things have you discussed them
what their dreams are, plans for the future

you know:

what housing is like there
who cleans what and what will you be expected to do
what is the neighborhood like
is their roofing, flooring, air conditioning, heating, screens for windows
is the water safe, hard on skin, needs to be boiled to use
hills, stairs, elevators
how safe it is, the level of crime, the common types of crime
(Holland - stealing bicycles is a pastime)

you know:

you have listened to your heart and mind
your instincts aren't fighting you on this
family ties aren't being destroyed over this (don't think this won't affect you later)
you have a back up plan as a form of mature preparation in case something goes wrong
you have a detailed list of contacts of officials in both countries in case you need help (embassy)
your aren't escaping people or a country but going towards someone you truly love and cherish
you have thought this through, and again, and again

what I know:

I came up with this description because I didn't fit the classic "expatriate" or immigrant definition
I am a love immigrant (from Southern California, USA to IJsselstein, The Netherlands)
I have coached many love immigrants (many are unprepared and often return home alone)
I have interviewed and spoken with hundreds of love immigrants from around the globe
It takes more than love to make it work
Multicultural relationships have issues that are different than same culture relationships
The better prepared you are, the more support you have, the more enjoyable the adventure will be
If you have lots of doubts after reading this site, seek out guidance from a reliable and impartial source

PRINT OUT QUESTIONS IN PDF TO ANSWER LATER.
You need Adobe Acrobat to read this document.

If you have a link that might be of support or interest
to love immigrants please let me know

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Kindret

Another time, another place,
A different land, a different space,
Yet, a special love meant to be shared,
A touching moment of how we cared.
More then a friendship deep in my heart.
Bound kindret spirits, we'll never part.

Julia Ann Ferguson ~ October 1997
Written for Maarten, my Dutch kindret...proving land and language are no barriers
(he always typed Kindred with a t)