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Love Immigrant definition/Struggles
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Tips from other
Couples Love Immigrant Laughs
Basic Definition of a Love Immigrant
Common
Struggles of a Love Immigrant
One
partner may seem different than expected once the couple are living together or
both are back in
one partners country vs. the country
where they both met.
LI's
are often unaware of cultural shock/self shock and the effect that will have on
their relationship.
They haven't planned ahead for the struggles they may have finding work
and building a community in their new country.
They
may not have explored what being an immigrant will feel like for them.
They
often feel isolated, confused and happily in love at the same time so they start
to blame themselves for the negative
feelings that arise when
acculturation and culture shock hit.
They
play the Comparison Game* causing a rift between values and communication.
Unprepared
to deal with a the new language which often reverts them into the role of child
and causes an unbalance
of power within the relationship
especially for the female love immigrant who may start to feel very dependent on
the partner and eventually start to
lack confidence and self esteem. Something they may never have struggled
with in their home country.
* Comparison Game - A trap couples fall into when they feel frustrated, scared,
uncertain etc. Remarks are similar to, "in my country we do it this way, in my
country we do it right or better, what a stupid approach, in the (fill in the
country name) we know how to do it". This is a destructive trap that can be
devastating to a relationship if it isn't eventually stopped or greatly
diminished. I believe doing some of this is the beginning is a normal
reaction. The length of time and severity of the game is how one notices things
are out of control. If it has been going on for more than 6 months and the
remarks are caustic and brutal (I hate your ***** country - I want to go back to
mine where people are intelligent), I encourage the couple to seek outside
support.
How I as a Coach support
a Love Immigrant
Help
you gain clarity on culture shock and how to define a support system in your new
setting and with your existing friends and family.
Help
you define what is a relationship issue and what is your own acculturation
process.
Find
ways to build your communication skills, personal foundation, define needs and
get them met, increase your ability to set effective boundaries.
Determine
your limits how far is too far regarding bringing on board the new cultures
traditions, celebrations and systems.
Support
you in learning to acknowledge the differences and accepting them.
Create
a goal plan to ensure you are living the life you want and not over sacrificing
who you are and your dreams for the future.
As
someone who experiences it first hand, I offer insight without judgment and
listen to you with an impartial ear.
My
clients feel heard, supported and encouraged - contact me if you want to benefit
from that type of relationship.
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