Posts Tagged ‘suicidal’

January 5th, 2012 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Depression, Domestic Violence, Gloomy or Darker Poems
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The same walls

The same place,  space

The same face

The same time

The same day

Will it ever go away?

This feeling of non existing

Of really not being

Painted on the wall

A shadow after all

Graffiti for the blind

Tactile only in my mind

The same dream

The same song

Playing all day long

Ringing in my head like a gong

Will it ever go away?

~ November 1st, 1997 ~

This poem has no title, much like I think my life felt at the time.  So much unspoken turmoil during this stage of my life. Suicidal, terrified of my then husband, feeling helpless and hopeless…  I did persevere with the love and help of others, some whom I had never met in person.  It is never to late to reach out for help.  You may be surprised at who throws you a life preserver!  Just grab on!

Julia Ann Ferguson

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Breathless

January 5th, 2012 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Depression, Domestic Violence, Gloomy or Darker Poems, Grief
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I can’t breath
The pain hurts so bad
I can’t breath
I’m painfully sad

I can’t breath
The worlds closing in
I can’t breath
I’m at my wit’s end

I can’t breath
My mind’s leaving me
I can’t breath
Let this breath set me free

I can’t breath
I don’t want to go on
I can’t breath
If this will last all life long

I can’t breath
Stop it please, stop it now
I can’t breath
Tell me when, show me how

I can’t breath
Lift this weight crushing me
I can’t breath
Heal my heart, set me free

October 27, 1997

I was no longer able to “ask” for help, so I wrote this poem and shared it with a close group of friends via email.  Luckily,  I got the support and encouragement I needed which included professional guidance as well.  I don’t share this information often, but it is important to note that I did have a complete plan to commit suicide at this stage and I am forever grateful to Robert Elshout for sensing my struggle and offering help all the way from the Netherlands.  He and a group of others provided distance Reiki and the results were astounding.  I was given the gift of Reiki I when I traveled to the Netherlands the following year in a 3 day workshop with Robert and his Reiki Master Tineke “Tiny”.

Julia Ann Ferguson

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