Simply real, how I feel.
The holidays are approaching – make them stop!
Reverse, rewind – I don’t have the time to play this role.
No desire to act this one through.
What can I do?
Please lets just pass these ones by.
No tree, no joy, no Christmas carols,
No wrapping or packing or roasting turkeys.
Stop, reverse, rewind.
Lets not do the holidays this time.
~ November 1st, 1997 ~
I lay here.
I wander thinking
And then my thoughts begin to go asunder
And I question if I’m even real
I wake up
I walk out
Into the daylight where the sun is shining
And I notice I’m in shadows.
~ November 2nd, 1997 ~
I was so deeply depressed at this time in my life. This was not the first major episode of depression I had worked thru and gotten to the other side. A big part of my recovery was leaving a desperately abusive relationship – hard to cope with anything when you feel worthless and rejected all the time. To step out of a shadow life you must be willing to take your power back!
Julia Ann Ferguson