OK….to me Facebook (FB) is a form of community. A society in fact. Some people (friends/contacts) I see day to day only online and others occasionally and they may not stay active in my community for long term. The rest are family and friends from my physical world that I connect with online in addition to in person gatherings.
So…the values that guide me and teach me are important there too right?
YES! A big booming resounding YES! And that is hard for many people to grasp I have found.
Take for example the ‘unfriend’ function. I know so many people who simply hide those they no longer wish to stay in contact with…for various reasons, not to offend (as if no longer paying attention to them permanently in secret isn’t rude) seems to be a big reason.
I apply this lesson – If a person, place or thing is detracting from my life instead of adding to it, it’s gotta go!
Now I have used the hide function. Example: People being quite chatty on a certain topic for awhile or during political campaigns and in that case it is a monitoring tool for me. I go back now and then and check on the friends I have “hidden” and participate on their profiles and often unhide them.
The new List function is also perfect for staying in touch frequently with those closest to you. I even have a list just for my online “gaming” friends so all those game posts no longer clog up my main feed. And yet when I want to check in on them I can easily find them in one place. YAY!
Facebook is growing up and hopefully it will make it easier for those that find the social etiquette part challenging. But this blog post is about VALUES. Mine specifically. Hopefully though it will get you thinking about yours and how you apply them to all aspects of your life.
So those I no longer wish to ever interact with? Then the grown up thing to do…for me, for you, for them is to unfriend that person. The term seems harsh for many – the truth hurts sometimes. But Facebook isn’t Jr. High. It’s the real world online and to keep a sane brain I need to respect myself and what is important. And they deserve the same respect. Change and moving on is all part of life. Facebook isn’t a popularity contest. Really it isn’t! Unless having more “friends” online is one of your top values in which I say OK…rock on. (I know some businesses and public figures use a friend profile vs. a business page so the friend gathering thing works for them)
Your values and mine are often different. I accept that.
Yesterday I was unfriended by someone. Which was timely as I was getting ready to block the person. This was on my personal profile vs. my JAFA business page. I work hard to allow myself professional expression that is true to myself while keeping the totally personal stuff on my profile instead. This example is so pertinent to this topic though I want to include it here.
Long story sorta short. My friend – a contact really who I played a game with bullied someone on FB. Publicly and harshly stated things about this person for using the “F word” and potentially exposing their kids to seeing it on Facebook and so they were going to quit using FB themselves it had so ruined it for them. (The word was used to describe a certain athlete with a history of horrific dog abuse whom my contact and her husband seemed to admire).
What was my role in this? My online society? I chose to stay quiet. I didn’t know the “F word” offender nor my contacts husband. Then the next day my contact stated they were about to watch a TV show that is notorious for the foul mouth of the lead, Chef Ramsey. I know and have watched his shows…to me he is The King of F words on TV. Then the new Facebook launch and there my contact is posting the dreaded “F word” to describe it.
Again… I thought what is my role in this? I realized at this point for my self respect I needed to respond. I pointed out to her on the F word post that it seemed it was OK to expose her kids to the F word. I did it factually and suggested she apologize to the person she had so publicly slammed a few days prior for using said word on Facebook. I did it publicly because I felt she bullied someone for the very thing that she herself was freely doing in her own home and online. The thing that she had said was going to make her quit using Facebook. I felt it was important for me to stand up in my online society and say that is not ok. I wouldn’t have put up with it in my physical world, I must honor what I value in all my circles. Bullying and hypocrisy are not on my values list.
Hypocrisy is dishonesty wrapped in judgment – JAFA
Values and learning to recognize them and honor them in all aspects of ones life is an important part of what I live by and impart in my coaching business. Sometimes i get sucked into behavior that I don’t like in myself and apologize for it. Sometimes I caution myself to not get “soapboxey” on communities such as Facebook and sometimes I don’t always succeed and again it is my responsibility to make amends for my actions. And sometimes, I remember my place in all forms of my society and I stand up and honor my values and respect those I believe society also respects. It may cost me friends or contacts and I am OK with that. Being true to myself is one of the few things I am able to “take with me” someday. I don’t want to be left with a bucket full of I should have’s….
I hope my sharing these examples helps you continue to recognize what is important to you and honor it in all aspects of your life. If someone/thing is upsetting you, then most likely they are stomping on something you value.
Don’t let that be OK. Your life is worth more.
NB: What started out as a Chronic Bitch blog post quickly became a lesson and tool to me and I am going to cross post this on my JAFA business blog as well. Thanks for your understanding if you happen to read both blogs.